She is in my trunk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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