I can text with my tongue
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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