Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
