o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
