so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
