Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
