apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
