Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
