you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
