He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
