well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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