got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
