Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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