Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
