I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
