If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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