if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize