We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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