Don't make out with my wife yet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
