I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
