I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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