I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
