I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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