i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
