It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize