she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
