There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
