im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
