this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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