i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
