he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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