Small penises have feelings too.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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