Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
