At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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