i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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