i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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