You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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