I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize