I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize