She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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