dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
