we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
