That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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