cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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