Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
