Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
