There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
