i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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