I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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