I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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