What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
