Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize