How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
