I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
