man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
