did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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