What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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