i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize