I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
