Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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