Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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