Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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