Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
