it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
