Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
