mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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