I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
