can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
