Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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