somebody snuck up and got me drunk
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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