Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I supernannyed him into submission
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
